I haven’t blogged since September 2012. It’s funny to me now that I stopped blogging after my Girl’s Trip to SPI. I remember when the idea for that trip was hatched. It was April of 2012. My girlfriends and I were at a home party smelling little pots of scented wax and buying things we didn’t need as ladies are wont to do at such gatherings. A friend mentioned her milestone birthday coming that September and the possibility of renting a beach house to get away in celebration. I remember the shared buzz of excitement about it and being on the cusp of beginning my first official round of fertility treatment, my optimistic resolve that I would be pregnant on the trip. I laugh at myself now but I remember making the “giant rounded belly” motion and all of my friends smiling and nodding happily, so sure that it would be true for me. As you know, it wasn’t true and I instead used the Girl’s Trip as a salve, fresh off of the disappointment of failed cycles and battered hopes.
What does this have to with blogging? I stopped blogging when things got real, when it got too tough for me to share my life here. Today, the Girl’s Trip seems like another lifetime. I’ve thought about coming back to blogging so often over the last 17 months but it just seemed so daunting to catch up, to explain. I’ve felt like writing out my experience would be too heavy and would make it impossible to have a second blog entry that didn’t feel ridiculous. Mostly, it just seems almost impossible to remember, much less put into words and do justice to everything I want to share. So, I’m not going to. Here’s the last 17 months in photo form:
So, there it is. Even though this was basically a cop-out, I feel lighter somehow. It’s nice just to get it out there. The good, the bad, and the absolutely heartbreaking. I’ll fill in the gaps over time but for now at least, I’m glad to be back.