The One in Which I Almost Have a Breakdown.

7 Jan

I have been really digging some Friends re-runs on TBS lately, thus the title. A week ago Monica and Chandler got married, today Rachel and Ross had Emma. It’s the good part of the series for sure. 🙂

Yesterday was great. Randall did his in-depth semen analysis at 2:30 and I got a call from the RE’s office at 3:45 letting me know everything was normal and good. We joked that now that he has had semen analysis done at two different RE’s he could write an internet review for guys comparing the “collection rooms” of the two. In case you are wondering Dr. K’s office has a leather recliner and porn on DVD, while the other RE had a wooden bench and some old magazines. Randall is very glad we ended up with Dr. K. Later on, I worked out and then headed out to date night with Randall. We went to Pei Wei (crab wontons, woo!) and I picked up some books at Half Price, including two about dealing with infertility. It was great to be able to relax and just really enjoy Randall/Leslie time.

Unfortunately Randall had to leave for a last minute business trip very early this morning, so the relaxing feeling from yesterday was short lived. Today was a very long, rollercoaster day. I had a ton of stuff to do at work but unfortunately I had to leave early to get my hysterosalpingogram (HSG) done. The HSG is a mandatory fertility test that involves an xray and the injection of radioactive dye into your cervix to check your fallopian tubes for any kind of blockage or for any uterine abnormality.While it’s a painful test, it does have a bonus side effect; women tend to have increased fertility the cycle the HSG is done and slightly increased fertility for a cycle or two after.

I showed up to the radiology office thirty minutes before my appointment as requested. I checked in and was told they were running behind and I wouldn’t be seen until 45 minutes after my appointment time, so an hour and fifteen minutes from then. Awesome.

Once I was called back I was shown to a room with a beautiful and ornate frosted sliding glass door. I walked into a small tastefully furnished and soothingly lit living room type area ringed by dressing rooms with lush fabric drapes. I took a moment to panic about my insurance charging us a ton for something so nice and then had a good dark laugh when I remembered I was paying for this out of pocket.

I was handed a robe and a key for a locker to store my things and told to remove everything from the waist down. I undressed and put on the robe which was obviously meant for a sumo wrestler as it was ginormous. Even after it was tied my goods were on display through the 6 inch gaping area. Ever the quick thinker, I tied it to the side 80’s giant t-shirt style and made quite a fetching outfit by pairing it with my red, green and white polka dot Christmas socks.

I sat down in the living room and noticed that there were A LOT of boobs on display. I quickly figured out this was the waiting room for mammograms as well and the older ladies seemed to have no shame about keeping the girls in their gowns. People came and went and the final boob tally for the day was 5 pair. I watched  a lame HGTV show while I waited and of course they came to get me right before the big reveal. Sadly, I’ll probably never know what Jan and Dave’s Arizona living room looked like post-design completion.

Bringing the new hoo-hah viewer total up by two, (three for the week…a new record for me) the nurse and radiologist were excellent. They were kind and compassionate about why I was there and had such good bedside manner. The procedure was painful but quick and ended with great prelim results, both tubes clear! I will get the more in depth results early in the week next week and we’ll know if we are officially in the “unexplained infertility” category.

I left the office, had some hell break loose and then edged on a nervous breakdown which included Randall calling to let me know he was now staying out of town for three more days; completely voiding the super-fertility we were hoping for this cycle.  Shaking, I realized I hadn’t eaten lunch and fortunately eating helped quell the breakdown and I bounced back. I took a breather and read the fertility book I purchased last night. A few pages in, I felt like it was speaking directly to me. It said that when you are infertile, there are two classes of people; those who get it and those who don’t. If you feel the need to stop communicating with people , do it. Don’t feel guilty, do what you have to do in order to get through this time in your life. It’s okay to be selfish right now. As painful as it may be for me, I think the time to selfish is something I really need right now and that’s also totally okay.

Tonight I got a haircut and let my stylist spoil me like he always does. I took a friend out for a birthday dinner including dessert and recaptured some relaxation. Tomorrow my grandparents are coming to visit and I love when they are here. Here’s to a good weekend after a so-so Friday!

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4 Responses to “The One in Which I Almost Have a Breakdown.”

  1. Lauren January 7, 2012 at 11:46 pm #

    I’ll be thinking about you next week when you get the results!

  2. Tiffany January 8, 2012 at 1:46 am #

    You always have such a wonderful way of seeing the bright side of things! Re: The Book that was speaking to you, I firmly believe that God guides us to the things we need to hear when we need it the most. That was no coincidence! 🙂 Fingers Crossed for you guys!

  3. Lacy January 8, 2012 at 5:52 pm #

    I’m so glad your preliminary results came back good! I hope you get more good news with the in-depth results! I love reading about the humor you try to find in all this. I think it’s wonderful that you haven’t let this painful journey take that from you. Hang in there!

  4. Lacey January 9, 2012 at 7:46 pm #

    I love the way you write! Seriously. I felt like I was in the room you were in, etc. Lots of prayers for you!

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