Someday

5 Aug

Rob Thomas really said it better than I could have:

You can go
You can start all over again
You can try to find a way to make another day go by
You can hide
Hold all your feelings inside
You can try to carry on when all you want to do is cry

And maybe someday
We’ll figure all this out
Try to put an end to all our doubt
Try to find a way to make things better now and
Maybe someday we’ll live our lives out loud
We’ll be better off somehow
Someday

Our second IUI was a bust. We found out Friday afternoon (so you’ll have to excuse the bout of lost ‘grace’, I just didn’t feel authentic writing something I absolutely wasn’t feeling.) This one came harder than the last. Last time we believed it was just a trial run for the doctor, that he was still learning us and that the next round would be the one. We allowed ourselves hope. We stayed positive and just knew all of the work would be worth it this time. It was heartbreaking when, once again, it wasn’t.

Our doctor will allow us one more IUI but we kind of feel like it isn’t for us. It’s commonly said that the definition of insanity is doing the same things over again and expecting different results. Going for third IUI feels a little like insanity at this point. We are setting up a meeting with our doctor next week to hash out both the past and the possible future, but at this point it truly comes down to what Randall and I decide is best for us. Unfortunately none of these decisions will come easily, painlessly or affordably.

Regardless of our final decision we have to carry on now and we will. We’re talking about vacations and home remodeling, making holiday plans and trying to be thankful and appreciative of what we do have rather than what we don’t. Like Rob says, we’ll be better off someday.

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3 Responses to “Someday”

  1. Ken August 5, 2012 at 7:40 pm #

    Rob also sang about what many think is about he & his wife’s inability to have children due to her autoimmune disease. I think the words to Mockingbird are also very moving:

    “Mockingbird”

    Here we stand
    Somewhere in between this moment and the end
    Will we bend
    Or will we open up and take this whole thing in

    Everybody else is smiling
    Man, their smiles don’t fade
    You don’t even wonder why
    You just don’t think that way

    Maybe you and me got lost somewhere
    We can’t move on and we can’t stay here
    Maybe we’ve just had enough
    Well, maybe we ain’t meant for this love

    You and me tried everything
    But still that mockingbird won’t sing
    Man this life seems hard enough
    Well, maybe we ain’t meant for this love

    Take my hand
    I will lead you through the broken promise land
    Yes I can, oh, yes I can
    I can be there when you need it
    I’ll give it all ’til you can’t feel it anymore

    I don’t wanna love you now
    If you’ll just leave some day
    I don’t wanna turn around
    If you’ll just walk away

    Maybe you and me got lost somewhere
    We can’t move on and we can’t stay here
    Maybe we’ve just had enough
    Well, maybe we ain’t meant for this love

    You and me tried everything
    But still that mockingbird won’t sing
    Man this life seems hard enough
    Well, maybe we ain’t meant for this love

    Maybe you and me got lost somewhere
    We can’t move on and we can’t stay here
    Maybe we’ve just had enough
    Well, maybe we ain’t meant for this love

    You and me tried everything
    But still that mockingbird won’t sing
    Man this life seems hard enough
    Well, maybe we ain’t meant for this love

    Maybe we ain’t meant for this love…

    Best of luck to you and Randall. I hope the future brings you more than you can possibly dream of right now.

    • leslieford August 5, 2012 at 7:50 pm #

      Thank you Ken for both the song and the well wishes. Both are much appreciated.

  2. Lacy August 5, 2012 at 10:13 pm #

    I’m so sorry Leslie. I was really hoping this was it for you! I’m praying for you and I hope whatever yall’s next step is that it works!!

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