Tag Archives: Dad

Heavier Things.

5 Jan

Four years ago today I was flying down Interstate 20 at 85 miles an hour toward Abilene. I had just received a phone call that my father had passed away. He was 43, it was completely unexpected. Weeks later we learned that my father had had diabetes, he had fallen into a diabetic coma and felt no pain. For that, I am thankful.

I met some friends for lunch today and we had a long conversation about mourning the loss of things and the grief process. A friend freshly out of a long-term relationship told us about how she realized she needed to go through the stages of grief to truly let go of what could have been. I came home and made a collage of our wedding paper items and couldn’t help but think how very much I wish my father could have been there, how much I wish I could call him and talk about the most mundane subject, anything at all, how I wish he could hold my future children. Four years in, it seems the grieving continues.

This time last year I realized it might be time to do something about my weight. The anniversary of the passing of my father coupled with seeing the highest number ever on the scale and beginning to try to conceive a child I realized I wanted to be there for my children. I want to zip my daughter’s wedding dress, I want to see my son graduate college. I don’t want them to have to mourn for me.  I made a promise to myself that I would never go back to that unhealthy place. While I have not gone back, I am not finished by any means and that journey much like my grief, is ongoing.

I re-started 30 Day Shred yesterday and have been on a reduced calorie diet for two weeks. I have lost three pounds and am glad to be seeking my healthy self again. Today I have allowed myself to take time to grieve all of the things I have lost. Tomorrow I will be stronger for it and even more thankful for what I have.