Tag Archives: reboot

Where the Light Is

20 Feb

Some things before I update the Ten Before Treatment:

1. Facebook’s new Timeline feature is an absolute beast to update. Since it assumes dates from the time you post things on FB, my wedding date was off by eleven days. I wanted to fix that add the day we got engaged, it literally took an hour. What a freaking beating.

2. The Coldplay station on Spotify is the most chill and awesome station ever. Coldplay, Keane, The Fray, The Killers, John Mayer. Good stuff. Unless you hate slightly whiny male singers, then don’t listen to this station, it might make you break something.

3. I do some of my best thinking while washing my hair. I realized today I stopped losing weight around September of 2011. We had been trying to conceive for 6-7 months and that’s about when the novelty wore off and the bitter set in. I have watched myself make peanut butter cookies, snickerdoodles, pecan cookies, cake and other goodies “for Randall” in the last few months. My baking ability does not mesh well with my inability not to eat my depression about being a barren bitch. More on this another day.

Ten Before Treatment Update:

1) Run a 5k. – I registered for a 5k I really loved last year a few days ago. Since it’s in September, it doesn’t really count though. I am considering the Firefly Run or maybe bringing it full circle and running the first race I ever ran, the Mayfest 5k. If I wasn’t A. a chickenshit and B. scared of being too chunky too run fast enough to not “die” I would totally be down for this one:  Zombies!!

2) Visit all of the wineries within 20 miles of my house. – Yeah, I’ve just been drinking all the wine in a 20 miles radius of my house. I should probably get more organized about my wine-soaked weekends.

3) Get back into the coupon swing. – As of last Sunday, Randall has enough deodorant to fend off smells for the rest of the year. For this we are thankful to the Coupon Gods.

4) Spring 2012 semester 4.0 a goal – I have been kicking ass and taking names this semester. VERY happy about this.

5) Put together a plan for “what if.”  – Three plans exist currently: 1. Train for/run half marathon, 2. Go on 2013 cruise, 3. Visit the Willamette Valley of Oregon with Randall. These things deserve their own post, so that’s all I’ll say for now.

6) Dine at least three of the top-rated “nice” restaurants in the Fort Worth area. – One down, Eddie V’s was awesome. I have decided I am going to go on a lobster bisque bender if treatment doesn’t work out. That stuff is like crack.

7) Finish two projects. – I don’t know that this necessarily counts as a project but I did finally, a year and a half after getting married, print/put wedding photos in the nice silver frame we bought before we got married. Procrastination for the win.

8) Finish our on-going flooring/remodel projects. – Randall finished our kitchen floor! Excuse the quality of these photos, I literally took them on my iPhone and uploaded them like a minute ago.

Our linoleum used to look like this:

Now our ceramic looks like this:

9) Work on both our front and back yards. – Not yet, a spring time goal.

10) Enjoy life – I have really been embracing this one as much as possible. I fall into bed on Sunday nights drained because I am going all weekend with Randall, friends, things to do. It’s a nice but tiring feeling. I’m not the only one feeling it in the house:

Lately any pillow that makes it to the floor around here is Titan Territory. 🙂

So, that’s the current TBT status. I’ll try to make an update every few weeks to the list. It helps to keep me accountable.

In closing, the soundtrack to this post morphed from Coldplay’s channel to John Mayer’s Where the Light Is live album around number two in the update. If you are a fan and haven’t given it a listen, run, don’ t walk to iTunes…it’s really his best work ever.


Ten Before Treatment

1 Feb

As the fog of being constantly caught up in my inability to conceive a child is lifting, I am starting to think about goals I would like to achieve during the break. We will either start treatment around 4/16 or 5/13, so the end date for these goals will be whichever of those dates we decide. I thought the good ol’ blog would be a good place to post ’em up for accountability:

1) Run a 5k. Spring is prime 5k time, so I would like to get back to the point of running a 5k distance comfortably and do a race. A PR would be fab, but the initial goal will just be to do one. I have a feeling my running fitness is near scratch again but should come back more quickly than if I was just starting out. I see Couch to 5k in my future.

2) Visit all of the wineries within 20 miles of my house. There are quite a few, so I would like to at least do a tasting at each. Viva Vino!

3) Get back into the coupon swing. For awhile using coupons was a real bummer because so many people were inspired by TLC’s Extreme Coupouning to get into it that shelves were always cleared. The novelty seems to have worn off for a lot of people so it makes using the “free money” from the newspaper more fun.

4) As the latter proposed treatment start date falls so nicely in alignment with the end of the Spring 2012 semester, it’s only right to make getting an overall 4.0 a goal.

5) Put together a plan for “what if.”  Unfortunately, the nature of our infertility leaves us only with the choice between IVF and adoption post-IUI cycles; both options in the $15k-$20k range. Due to this, Randall and I have decided that if we have three failed IUI cycles over the summer, we will not seek additional treatment in the foreseeable future. With each IUI cycle only holding a 25% success rate, the “what if” of not conceiving is a real possibility and I would like to have a plan for dealing with that in place. I want to make some vacation plans and set some long-term goals (half marathon anyone?) As crass as it sounds, this plan will be a consolation prize for us. A “thanks for trying!” parting gift, if you will.

6) Dine at least three of the top-rated “nice” restaurants in the Fort Worth area. I would like to enjoy medium-rare steaks, smoked salmon and unpastuerized cheeses to their fullest while not worrying that our restaurant tab is cutting into our diaper budget. There is no time like the present for this.

7) Finish two projects. I have one long term project I would love to round out (family recipe book) and a few I’d like to undertake but in the interest of time two projects in three/four months sounds manageable, especially given the next goal…

8) Finish our on-going flooring/remodel projects. This goal is more one for Randall than for me but I would love to have the new floors done before we start treatment as pregnant lady and fumes from flooring really are not compatable. The kitchen is done except for the sealing of the grout. We still have re-tiling both bathrooms, laying the wood flooring, re-tiling the fireplace and framing the mirrors to go. It looks like we will also have to repaint the living room and kitchen as the new trim is slightly shorter than our old trim, leaving a white border between the existing paint and new trim.

9) Work on both our front and back yards. I would love to shape up our front flower beds and would like to figure out some kind of asthetically pleasing paving stone extension for our backyard patio.

10) Enjoy life. This one is simple. I want to just enjoy the small things and use the next few months as a true relaxation period.

Blue Screen of Death

1 Feb

You know when you are working on your PC and all of a sudden the “blue screen” pops up letting you know there is some kind of fatal error within your computer? That happened to me today. The body reboot failed.

I woke up at 3:30am with some debilitating pain and after a day filled with doctors, pharmacies, fluids and rest I am now feeling okay. The label on my medicine bottle says not to take it with vitamins. Ever curious I asked Dr. Google why the combo was a bad idea and quickly found that the med I have been prescribed is primarily used as the foremost treatment for anthrax; a good reminder that some things are better left unknown. I plan to re-reboot on Thursday. Hopefully there will be no blue screens of death then.

Fortunately, the day was not a complete waste. Due to the forced down time and a subsequent prolonged visit to Walgreens, I was able to get some serious couponing done today. I had gotten busy and fallen off the coupon wagon but today’s shopping trip really reignited the coupon spirit within me. (I was re-reading this for grammar before posting and laughed out loud at how dorky the previous sentence was. I was going to revise but didn’t, you’re welcome.)

The overall Walgreens total for the day was $33.79 out of pocket, $80.87 saved with coupons. I didn’t leave with a pallet of Chex or anything but still, not too shabby. Today’s trip included a special requested purchase of clinical strength deodorant. Seeing me grab three boxes from the shelf, an old lady tapped me on the shoulder, gave me a kind look and let me know that when she was younger she “had the sweats too” and offered the encouragement that it “got better with age…and Botox.” Considering me a kindred sweat-spirit I suppose, she handed me three more coupons for the deodorant with a smile. I smiled back, thanked her and reached a new “crazed coupon lady” level by being a faux sufferer of “the sweats” for the sake of netting my friend three more cheap deodorants. At first I considered it a new low but really, are you aware of how expensive that clinical deodorant is?!?

I was going to think of some profound nice old lady, sweat-karma metaphor to close with but my phone is almost dead and I’m on Anthrax meds, so I’ve got nothing. 🙂

We Were on a Break!

31 Jan

The Friends love continues. Today Ross and Rachel decided to “take a break” which made for an absolutely perfect lead in to this post.

Randall and I have decided to take a break. After last week’s realization of just how unhappy I’ve become, he came home from a week-long business trip, we talked, I cried and we agreed a break from the rigors of TTC was exactly what I needed. We will to do a treatment cycle in April or May…if we are ready, if not we’ll wait.

I plan to spend the next few months recapturing Leslie. I have become “Leslie who is unable to conceive a child” and that is a person I never wanted to become. I plan to run (the horrors!), drink tons of wine and do whatever strikes my fancy. The thermometer, OPKs and charts have been thrown out the window and I will be enjoying the perks of being “newish-ly” married and childfree with my husband no matter what cycle day it is. I am considering this a reboot. I want to go into infertility treatment with the best possible attitude and the most positive outlook I can muster. I need to be at my strongest level mentally, prepared to deal with the “what ifs” and all possibilities, be they positive or terrible.

This weekend was the first of the reboot. I can honestly say I drank more wine in three days than I have in the last 365. While laughing with my best friend I felt more like myself than I have in months. I realized that while I was close to giving up, I’m not a quitter and could not let infertility beat me. I will beat it.

While the break is a lot about getting my mind right, I also want to take this time to get my body right. First reboot run is tomorrow morning, I am attempting to shake my schedule up completely with an early morning run and a quickie evening workout. Eating right also comes back in full force tomorrow. I gotta get the extra calories for all this wine somewhere.

Since I promised them to you and I know you have been waiting on pins and needles, I will leave you with this fun history fact: The Mayan long calendar officially ends on 12.21.2012. This has caused a huge uproar for those using it to predict the end of the world. Unfortunately for Nat Geo’s “Doomsday Preppers” the Maya stopped using this calendar hundreds of years ago and their short calendar continues on into the foreseeable future. Keep this in mind before deciding to run up your credit cards since “the world is ending anyway.” If you decide to do it anyway, you can’t say didn’t warn you.