Tag Archives: running

You Are Here.

13 Aug

If my life was a map this would be a point of interest and possibly a crossroads. The last two years have changed me irreversibly. I will never be able to go back to the person I was but at the same time I know the evolution is incomplete and I will continue to change from here. This is my lyrically waxed introduction to an update post, but all pretentiousness aside, things are okay. They have been better but for now, they are okay.

First and foremost, we met with our fertility doctor (RE.) We had a long conversation and decided that the best path for us at this point is to pursue IVF. This proposition is both scary and exciting at the same time. It’s scary because it means we need about $17,000 to conceive a child, which even under the best of financial circumstances is a daunting amount of money to spend on a chance. It’s exciting because our the RE gave us a 70-80% chance of success, odds that are quite a bit better than those in Vegas or even those of a coin toss but still a gamble nonetheless. Randall and I have decided that we will be moving toward IVF, we have also decided that we will be taking a break from all things trying to conceive until we are mentally ready to tackle the “big guns” of infertility treatment. I have been waiting for ovulation, peeing on sticks, tracking my temperature, getting my hopes up and then getting them smashed to pieces for nearly two years now. I am mentally exhausted from it all and think a time out will do us a world of good.

As always, there is another reason for the time out as well. The RE gave us a 70-80% chance with IVF. What will make the difference between 70 and 80 percent is my weight. I weighed this morning and I am up 25 pounds from my lowest weight (for those who are just joining in I lost 65 pounds in 2011 from diet and exercise.) 10 pounds of this existed before we began fertility treatment – when I hit that low point, I also hit a plateau; after losing weight consistently for many months the scale would not budge. For awhile I really made an effort, I mixed up my workouts, tried calorie gains and deficits but as nothing worked I got lazy and stopped counting calories. The difference this time was that unlike my pre-weight loss days when I ate with abandon completely in the dark about the damage I was doing, I knew just how much I could eat/workout to minimize weight loss or gain. I held steady at those +10 pounds for about six months. Then we started fertility treatment and the wheels fell off. I am going to be honest, I heard the doctor say that I could expect a weight gain of about five pounds per treatment cycle and it was like he had given me the golden ticket to gain without shame. I ate and ate and ate and stopped working out because the meds drained me. I truly believed that I would get pregnant the first cycle and then having gained “a little” weight wouldn’t be that big of a deal. Then when the first cycle failed I was sad and mad and so I ate to make myself feel better. I baked and cooked my way to another weight gain but again…I would be pregnant soon, so it wouldn’t matter, right? So, here I stand with 15 “fertility treatment” pounds and 10 more from just being lazy. To give ourselves the best possible chance at IVF success, I need to lose 50 pounds. I am mad at myself because it would only be 25 if I hadn’t let myself go…but at the same time, nothing good is going to come of that anger, so I have to move on.

So, today is the day. I am going back to the basics, back to what I know works. I ordered a new pair of running shoes that will arrive today. I bought some new workout tops and bottoms that actually fit my +25lbs self. I restarted calorie counting using MyFitnessPal and have signed up for a 5k on 9/29, I am actually going to use my gym membership. This is happening. I have battled my weight all of my adult life and though the doctor assures me that my weight issues have not led to our infertility thus far, I refuse to allow something I know I can beat keep me from living my full life. Watching the closing ceremonies of the Olympics last night, a commercial kept playing about putting your goals on the line, online. So that’s what I am doing.

The Goals:

  • Lose 50 pounds (or more) in six to eight months (aiming for 2 pounds a week)
  • Get my 5k back to where it was…aim for some PRs
  • Get my diet under control and stick to my daily calorie allotment
  • Stop treating my sadness with baked goods (fear not those who enjoyed the muffin recipe, this by no means will be the end of baking for me…it will just be the end of eating the majority of everything I bake to make myself feel better.) 🙂
  • Get Randall involved in both diet and exercise to help him shed his IF treatment pounds.
  • Get truly happy and enjoy being myself again

I am excited about this. I know from experience that you have to want to do something like this to make it happen and I know that for the first time in a while, I want to do this. So, I will. 🙂


Return of the Run-i

8 Feb

Bonjour blog peeps, I hope all is well with you.

Running is one of the activities I have highly anticipated resuming during “the break.” Yesterday I got my first true run in and it was glorious. This may seem an exagerative description for something that involves pushing your body to it’s limits while combating screaming lungs and a steady stream of sweat, but it’s a truly apt.The last time I have done a run of any remarkable time or distance was November 1st, 2011. In late October, I could sustain a decent pace for about an hour with no walking breaks and was normally covering 4-5 miles during each run.  Though I had no idea how much my running fitness had suffered in the three months I had been away from running, in reading other blogs and general running advice I had pretty low expectations.

Since I attend the gym with awesome, new, well maintained machines but no overall sense of actual urgency to work out or ettiquette for others, it was no surprise when I walked in to the cardio room and found the only open treadmill between an old man in jeans and a young woman texting on her cell phone, both of whom were SLOW walking on the treadmill. I hopped on and started a quick paced walking warm-up. My original intention had been to start with Week 1, Day 1 of Couch to 5k assuming that my running fitness would be near nil. For some reason though I just started my running playlist and decided to listen to my body instead. After a five minute walk, I kicked it up and started to run. I got really into my running music and focused on a spot on the wall in front of me. I looked down and had been running for five minutes, then ten, then fifteen, then twenty. At twenty I decided to walk a few minutes to give my lungs a break but then felt a little tug inside to run again, so I did ten more, called it a run and started cooldown.

After the run, two things of note happened:

1. I was walking back with my “blue gym cleaner” soaked paper towel to clean the machine and overheard a snippet of conversation between two ladies on stationary bikes. I assume they thought I couldn’t hear them as I still had my earbuds in though the music was off. They were looking at me and discussing how if “that big girl could run, maybe they could too.” While “that big girl” isn’t my favorite nickname ever, the fact that I, Leslie who was scared to go to the gym when she first started working out because she thought people would make fun of her slowness and fatness, had inspired these women to even have this conversation is an awesome feeling. Though I only ran thirty minutes last night and only ran an 11.5 minute mile; it’s a far cry from the dying after sixty seconds, slower than 15 minute mile pace person I started at. I never believed I had the strenght to seek out and be this person, but I did (and do!)

2. My friend who had been running on another treadmill away from mine asked me what was going through my head while I was running. I laughed and told her that I had felt amazing and realized just how very much I had missed running. She told me it was obvious because I was grinning like a fool the whole time. 🙂

I always wish I knew what other people in the gym are listening to, so in case your curious here’s the playlist I used last night:

County Warm-Up:

  • Crazy Girl – Eli Young Band
  • Dirt Road Anthem – Jason Aldean

Run it Out:

  • Addiction – Medina
  • Beautiful People  – Benny Benassi f. Chris Brown
  • Levels – Avicii
  • I’m On One – Drake, Rick Ross, Lil’ Wayne
  • Set Fire to the Rain – Adele
  • Paradise – Coldplay
  • I Wanna Go – Britney Spears
  • Dynamite – Taio Cruz
  • Sleepyhead – Passion Pit

Slow Jams Cool Down:

  • Motivation – Kelly Rowland and Lil’ Wayne
  • Young Forever – Jay-Z f. Mr. Hudson