Tag Archives: weight loss

Weighing In

20 Aug

I have decided to make Monday the accountability day for weight loss for no real reason other than I posted about losing weight last Monday. 🙂

The details:

  • Weight loss goal #1 – 25 lbs lost (goal set 8/13)
  • Progress to date: 2 lbs lost
  • Pounds to go: 23
  • Overall weight loss goal: 50lbs
  • Pounds to go: 48

This week was so-so on the food front and abysmal on the workout front. I did very well with breakfast, lunch and most dinners Mon-Fri. The wheels came off sightly during the weekend. Even so, I was mindful of not absolutely letting go…I made better choices but when tequila/sangria are involved, the pretense of really sticking to that 500 cal or less goal fades away. I did not hit the gym once. I knew at the beginning of the week that this was likely just due to the sheer volume of plans I had made for myself. I was not home until after 9pm Mon-Fri either due to social or work related plans, which is totally an excuse but one I can deal with. Since this first week was mainly about getting myself used to eating smaller meals I am allowing myself to be okay with this but it can not happen two weeks in a row.

All of that being said the goals for this week are pretty simple:

  • Stick to a calorie intake of 1200-1300 on days when I do not workout, adjust for calories burned during workouts on days that I do.
  • Get in some form of workout at least four times this week.
  • Dinner out limited to three times max this week.

Before I fell apart diet/weight loss/exercise-wise earlier this year I was running 3-4miles at least twice a week. I want to get that back so I have decided to go back to the basics and re-start Couch to 5k. Depending upon how it goes the first week I will likely modify the plan to increase running times more quickly. We are having uncharacteristically “cooler” August weather in Texas this week, as in 90 degree highs instead of 105, so I plan to take the runs outside. Randall is joining my gym this week and he will be starting his workouts as well, so it should be a good week in the Ford House.

You Are Here.

13 Aug

If my life was a map this would be a point of interest and possibly a crossroads. The last two years have changed me irreversibly. I will never be able to go back to the person I was but at the same time I know the evolution is incomplete and I will continue to change from here. This is my lyrically waxed introduction to an update post, but all pretentiousness aside, things are okay. They have been better but for now, they are okay.

First and foremost, we met with our fertility doctor (RE.) We had a long conversation and decided that the best path for us at this point is to pursue IVF. This proposition is both scary and exciting at the same time. It’s scary because it means we need about $17,000 to conceive a child, which even under the best of financial circumstances is a daunting amount of money to spend on a chance. It’s exciting because our the RE gave us a 70-80% chance of success, odds that are quite a bit better than those in Vegas or even those of a coin toss but still a gamble nonetheless. Randall and I have decided that we will be moving toward IVF, we have also decided that we will be taking a break from all things trying to conceive until we are mentally ready to tackle the “big guns” of infertility treatment. I have been waiting for ovulation, peeing on sticks, tracking my temperature, getting my hopes up and then getting them smashed to pieces for nearly two years now. I am mentally exhausted from it all and think a time out will do us a world of good.

As always, there is another reason for the time out as well. The RE gave us a 70-80% chance with IVF. What will make the difference between 70 and 80 percent is my weight. I weighed this morning and I am up 25 pounds from my lowest weight (for those who are just joining in I lost 65 pounds in 2011 from diet and exercise.) 10 pounds of this existed before we began fertility treatment – when I hit that low point, I also hit a plateau; after losing weight consistently for many months the scale would not budge. For awhile I really made an effort, I mixed up my workouts, tried calorie gains and deficits but as nothing worked I got lazy and stopped counting calories. The difference this time was that unlike my pre-weight loss days when I ate with abandon completely in the dark about the damage I was doing, I knew just how much I could eat/workout to minimize weight loss or gain. I held steady at those +10 pounds for about six months. Then we started fertility treatment and the wheels fell off. I am going to be honest, I heard the doctor say that I could expect a weight gain of about five pounds per treatment cycle and it was like he had given me the golden ticket to gain without shame. I ate and ate and ate and stopped working out because the meds drained me. I truly believed that I would get pregnant the first cycle and then having gained “a little” weight wouldn’t be that big of a deal. Then when the first cycle failed I was sad and mad and so I ate to make myself feel better. I baked and cooked my way to another weight gain but again…I would be pregnant soon, so it wouldn’t matter, right? So, here I stand with 15 “fertility treatment” pounds and 10 more from just being lazy. To give ourselves the best possible chance at IVF success, I need to lose 50 pounds. I am mad at myself because it would only be 25 if I hadn’t let myself go…but at the same time, nothing good is going to come of that anger, so I have to move on.

So, today is the day. I am going back to the basics, back to what I know works. I ordered a new pair of running shoes that will arrive today. I bought some new workout tops and bottoms that actually fit my +25lbs self. I restarted calorie counting using MyFitnessPal and have signed up for a 5k on 9/29, I am actually going to use my gym membership. This is happening. I have battled my weight all of my adult life and though the doctor assures me that my weight issues have not led to our infertility thus far, I refuse to allow something I know I can beat keep me from living my full life. Watching the closing ceremonies of the Olympics last night, a commercial kept playing about putting your goals on the line, online. So that’s what I am doing.

The Goals:

  • Lose 50 pounds (or more) in six to eight months (aiming for 2 pounds a week)
  • Get my 5k back to where it was…aim for some PRs
  • Get my diet under control and stick to my daily calorie allotment
  • Stop treating my sadness with baked goods (fear not those who enjoyed the muffin recipe, this by no means will be the end of baking for me…it will just be the end of eating the majority of everything I bake to make myself feel better.) 🙂
  • Get Randall involved in both diet and exercise to help him shed his IF treatment pounds.
  • Get truly happy and enjoy being myself again

I am excited about this. I know from experience that you have to want to do something like this to make it happen and I know that for the first time in a while, I want to do this. So, I will. 🙂

We Were on a Break!

31 Jan

The Friends love continues. Today Ross and Rachel decided to “take a break” which made for an absolutely perfect lead in to this post.

Randall and I have decided to take a break. After last week’s realization of just how unhappy I’ve become, he came home from a week-long business trip, we talked, I cried and we agreed a break from the rigors of TTC was exactly what I needed. We will to do a treatment cycle in April or May…if we are ready, if not we’ll wait.

I plan to spend the next few months recapturing Leslie. I have become “Leslie who is unable to conceive a child” and that is a person I never wanted to become. I plan to run (the horrors!), drink tons of wine and do whatever strikes my fancy. The thermometer, OPKs and charts have been thrown out the window and I will be enjoying the perks of being “newish-ly” married and childfree with my husband no matter what cycle day it is. I am considering this a reboot. I want to go into infertility treatment with the best possible attitude and the most positive outlook I can muster. I need to be at my strongest level mentally, prepared to deal with the “what ifs” and all possibilities, be they positive or terrible.

This weekend was the first of the reboot. I can honestly say I drank more wine in three days than I have in the last 365. While laughing with my best friend I felt more like myself than I have in months. I realized that while I was close to giving up, I’m not a quitter and could not let infertility beat me. I will beat it.

While the break is a lot about getting my mind right, I also want to take this time to get my body right. First reboot run is tomorrow morning, I am attempting to shake my schedule up completely with an early morning run and a quickie evening workout. Eating right also comes back in full force tomorrow. I gotta get the extra calories for all this wine somewhere.

Since I promised them to you and I know you have been waiting on pins and needles, I will leave you with this fun history fact: The Mayan long calendar officially ends on 12.21.2012. This has caused a huge uproar for those using it to predict the end of the world. Unfortunately for Nat Geo’s “Doomsday Preppers” the Maya stopped using this calendar hundreds of years ago and their short calendar continues on into the foreseeable future. Keep this in mind before deciding to run up your credit cards since “the world is ending anyway.” If you decide to do it anyway, you can’t say didn’t warn you.

An Update of Sorts

16 Jan

I have been a blog slacker lately. I will try to blog more often.

We received our official “unexplained infertility” diagnosis last week as all tests came back normal. It was strange to get the diagnosis. On one hand I was really happy nothing was wrong but at the same time not having an answer for why we are not conceiving is frustrating. The RE let us know that the next step is IUI (insemination), which involves placing sperm in the uterus via catheter. IUI works best when combined with fertility medications, so Randall and I have to make a decision as to whether we want to move on with oral medication (Clomid) or injectable medication (Follistim.) The decision is a little tough as the oral medication tends to have a lower success rate but is drastically less expensive and the injectables carry a higher risk of multiples and are more expensive but have a higher success rate. It’s a lot to take in, so we have decided to take no action until April. We will continue to try as we always have until then and hope for a “freebie.”

Weight loss is a weird area right now. My workouts are going really great, my eating is so-so though and I am losing very slowly because of it. There is some correlation between stress about infertility and emotional eating that I really need to work on. I am hopeful that once school starts again I will be able to keep a better schedule and control the emotional eating much better.

Spring semester starts tomorrow. I am excited to get back to it and really have something to focus on other than obsessing about the state of my uterus. The semester will be a busy one as I am taking 15 hours; three of which are History classes and will involve a ton of reading and writing. I have an interesting (to me) course load this semester and will likely geek out on the blog about random History facts in the coming months…prepare yourselves!

I have a couple of posts percolating about things that I have been thinking about lately, so look for those in the coming days. Enjoy MLK day and take a minute to remember Dr. King’s dream and also to think about yours.

Heavier Things.

5 Jan

Four years ago today I was flying down Interstate 20 at 85 miles an hour toward Abilene. I had just received a phone call that my father had passed away. He was 43, it was completely unexpected. Weeks later we learned that my father had had diabetes, he had fallen into a diabetic coma and felt no pain. For that, I am thankful.

I met some friends for lunch today and we had a long conversation about mourning the loss of things and the grief process. A friend freshly out of a long-term relationship told us about how she realized she needed to go through the stages of grief to truly let go of what could have been. I came home and made a collage of our wedding paper items and couldn’t help but think how very much I wish my father could have been there, how much I wish I could call him and talk about the most mundane subject, anything at all, how I wish he could hold my future children. Four years in, it seems the grieving continues.

This time last year I realized it might be time to do something about my weight. The anniversary of the passing of my father coupled with seeing the highest number ever on the scale and beginning to try to conceive a child I realized I wanted to be there for my children. I want to zip my daughter’s wedding dress, I want to see my son graduate college. I don’t want them to have to mourn for me.  I made a promise to myself that I would never go back to that unhealthy place. While I have not gone back, I am not finished by any means and that journey much like my grief, is ongoing.

I re-started 30 Day Shred yesterday and have been on a reduced calorie diet for two weeks. I have lost three pounds and am glad to be seeking my healthy self again. Today I have allowed myself to take time to grieve all of the things I have lost. Tomorrow I will be stronger for it and even more thankful for what I have.